Originally 06/27/2020
I really try to understand everything lately but it always seems impossible? Lately: (I feel like the above photo it seems and my motivation is gone too often)
A. I lost my job during the epidemic and then there store shut down so I am out of work and its impossible for me to get one now as I have not worked in well over a decade before my last job but my apartment cost so much I am barely making it so how is someone on disability because he is technically not able to work with others supposed to survive with out a job in this economy when what they give me is never enough for my needs? I also don’t know how the 1,200 is supposed to make up for all the lost pay because of it when many of us still don,t have jobs? Still now I know the country will always be in debt as people keep complaining about taxing when there is never enough money to pay for this countries bills...
B. I do everything I myself can for my oldest fur-baby why is technically not a baby anymore but we got a new actual baby fur-baby a couple months ago and he scares the shit out of poor Marius as well as even though they are both males (big mistake) he molested his before and we have to protect him. I do the best to love both the cats but Marius has become so mean because of him but I want him to feel safe. The other kitten is a sweetheart and is so easy to love often more so then my original baby because of all the times he feels like he is being replaced. Both of them seem to love Amanda Hernandez more then me it seems and the only fur-babies that where daddies boys Harley (who had to go to another place as you are only allowed 2 cats at apartments anymore if at all as they dont see them as children) and my first fur-baby Set who passed. I miss them everyday and will never forgive my self for Harley when Lily’s original mother took her back anyways when she had a place to live. I need a real therapy animal as mine is now driving me crazy because of everything...
C. I continue to keep having issues with the “Vampire community” how many of them perceive the Vampyran TempleUVUP as a cult like Temple of the Vampire as we are both Temples and they do not want to see Vampyrism as a spiritual condition as well as a physical one. The originally where trying to get me in trouble as a plagiarist who steals copyrighted information as his own; I am a theologian as well as a vampirologist and share information I learn online/books/ect. with the members on the V-TUVUP site to educate the Vampire community on its abilities, capabilities, beginnings as well as focus on the spirituality of Vampyrism. I never claimed to write everything written and always put credit where credit is due (to the original author and original site).
Now I have been having issues because I have Asperger’s (just recently found out as I was diagnosed with Autism and never received help with this early) I struggled in school quite a bit as falsely diagnosed with just ADHD and was never able to go to college because of this as well as because we were poor. I get shit on all the time because of my grammar and how I communicate online BUT I struggle with this shit constantly and it torments me to no end. I did write a couple books though the first one was just the basic principles for the second book but in the past they went on and on about the grimmer and mistakes I made writing it (though on the second book I did have some help from our previous Spiritual Mother Samantha Adams and now for some time I have been struggling with writers block. I honestly am not sure I will ever be able to write another book again as it is so very difficult for someone with my conditions to explain everything the proper way and people have issues understanding me. Other Vampyres in the VC just like any other community I am sure also struggle with this so I decided to make groups for us: